The danger of being unheard

"Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another." – Alfred Adler

How often have we shared something vulnerable, our fears, our hopes for the future, only to feel that the person listening wasn't really present? Maybe they were nodding, but not truly hearing. Maybe their response felt clinical, or rushed, or missed the point entirely. 

It's a subtle but deeply human experience: to speak from the heart and feel unheard.

This often happens where money is concerned. Especially when lots of money is concerned! For many of our clients, this experience isn’t uncommon. Conversations about money, legacy, and planning can quickly become transactional, even when what’s really needed is presence. Empathy. Space.

At Bespoke Financial Services, we see financial planning as a deeply personal, human process. While it absolutely demands technical precision, legal fluency, and economic insight, it also calls for something softer: mindful attention.

The deeper cost of being unheard

In our line of work, the most valuable asset we protect isn’t necessarily your capital, it’s your clarity. When we feel misunderstood or unheard, it can lead to rushed decisions, misaligned strategies, or worse, a sense that our wealth is disconnected from our purpose.

Mindless conversations about money can miss what matters most:

• What’s the story behind your wealth?

• Who do you want to protect, empower, and support?

• What fears keep you awake at night, even with millions in the bank?

Without mindfulness, these questions go unanswered. And when they do, even the most tax-efficient plan or high-performing portfolio can feel hollow.

Why focus in financial advice matters

It’s not always easy to know what to focus on when dealing with complex estates and financial portfolios. But it’s really important to aim to be fully present without distraction or judgment (we can be dangerously judgmental of ourselves!) as this changes the way we engage with our own financial decisions.

Here’s what it looks like in our practice:

1. Deeper Listening: We listen not just to your answers, but to the emotion behind them. Whether you’re grieving, dreaming, or strategising; we’re here, fully present.

2. Uncovering True Goals: Mindful dialogue helps reveal what often lies beneath the surface: not just the “what” but the “why.” The goal isn't just to preserve capital, it's to preserve meaning.

3. Reducing Biases: When we’re truly present, we’re less likely to impose assumptions. This makes room for fresh thinking, especially important in complex family dynamics, business succession planning, or philanthropic strategy.

4. Creating Psychological Safety: The most effective financial planning happens when clients feel safe enough to be honest. Not just about their assets, but about their worries, their relationships, and their hopes.

Empathy can be a financial tool

It may sound unorthodox to say that empathy belongs in financial planning, but for us, it’s foundational. As Adler suggests, empathy isn’t simply about sentimentality; it’s about perspective. When we understand the world through other eyes, we plan better. We prioritise what matters. We don’t just chase performance; we build relevance, security, and meaning.

For the families and businesses we serve, financial complexity is a given. But emotional complexity is just as real. Planning without empathy is like investing without a time horizon… it lacks context.

At Bespoke, we combine deep technical insight with an equally strong commitment to mindful, human-centred advice. Because in the end, our work is not just about money, it’s about people.

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If you’re ready for financial conversations that are clear, grounded, and genuinely connected to your life, we’re here. Let’s have that conversation, with presence and purpose.